This, my dearest readers, is a Fruit Fly Trap.
Cleverly designed by some college student with too much time and a rotten banana, no doubt, they then dutifully pinned their idea on every Tips, Hints, and Tricks site on the World Wide Web – which is where I found it.
Here’s the idea: you put a piece of paper (skillfully rolled into a funnel shape – it’s harder than it sounds really) in the opening of a quart jar that has some sort of ‘bait’ in the bottom of it. The fruit flies smell the bait and fly down into the funnel and become trapped in the jar. Seems legit.
It is fruit fly season and we are swamped by them. It doesn’t matter how often I take out the trash or wipe down the counters or how tightly I seal up the fresh food – they find a way to survive. It’s getting pretty gross, so I decided to make a fruit fly trap of my own. I used an old grocery list, a quart jar and some busted tomatoes from the garden (a fruit fly delight), set up the trap (sealing off the top with some teal duct tape) and then, yes, sat and watched it.
Alex was doing something productive in the other room, but let out an appropriate sound of congratulations every time I hollered out that another fly had become prey to my brilliant scheme. I left the kitchen for the night in triumph.
It’s been several days now and I must say,
It’s All Lies.
I haven’t made a trap, I’ve made a blinking Fruit Fly Resort. I don’t know how they do it, but they travel in and out of the jar at will and have increased in numbers exponentially. I don’t know what to do. There are thousands of them and the originators of the design failed to mention what to do with the flies after you’ve caught them. Mine are sending me tiny thank you notes and requests for other types of fresh food, seems like they’re tired of the tomatoes.
Gross has turned to Grotesque and they are way too comfortable for my liking, refusing to even make a show of reasonable bug terror when I approach with my swatter -it’s as if they assume that the kind-hearted soul who provided them with such a nice vacation home would never really have the guts to then kill them.
They assume wrongly, every time.
The Fruit Fly Resort is being closed, permanently.