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just me life

The Question is- Why do they make husband clothes so much more comfortable than wife clothes? Honestly though, I’ve grown up with three brothers and every time I put on comfortable looking brother clothes they always wound up feeling- awkward. They gave me the appearance of ‘absolutely oddity’, I looked as if I was trying to be a younger brother myself. But husband clothes? I slip on a husband sweatshirt and I immediately feel at home. His masculine scent rests on the fabric and I can almost feel his arms around me, I swear that his warmth lingers there long after he has worn it. The same thing goes for husband t-shirts, well worn, well loved, sized for comfort- why in the world hasn’t anyone figured out how to my MY clothes that wonderful? Really? Don’t speak to me of progress until I have a drawer filled with wife clothes that have the same effect as my husband’s.

When I was little, my brothers and I were terribly afraid of monsters. What five year old isn’t?  Monsters in the closet, under the bed, behind the door just waiting for that moment when Mom slipped out of the room for the night. My mom, for her peace and ours, developed “Monster Spray”, a mysterious liquid which had the power to literally dissolve any monsters in the immediate area. I love how she never tried to talk us out of our fear, or act as though it was a ‘normal childhood stage’ to be terrified at bedtime- she simply took us seriously and came up with a solution that worked. Years later she told me what was in her fabulous concoction- tap water and few drops of her own perfume. A few sprays in the air with “Monster Spray” and her protective, ‘everything’s going to be ok’ scent dwelt in the room until we fell peacefully asleep. I remember she gave me an old pillow case that had been hers and when I placed my head on it each night I felt loved and safe and for years, after dozens of washings it *still* smelled like Mom. Monster Spray kept us safe long after our toddler fears had been dissolved and we found ourselves homeless, or living with near strangers, or in our first new home after the divorce which had formed a number of monsters of its own. Whenever any of us were sick, or sad or worried, we always wanted to wear Mom’s sweater, or sleep on her pillow (much to her chagrin sometimes, since her perfume was able to banish monsters and fear but had little strength against the flu virus!!) Mom pillows got me through a great many distresses when I was younger.

Husband pillows are what’s going to get me through the next four months. Alex has started his turn on night shifts this week which leaves me to get along as I can, sleeping alone. How did I do it for so many years before I married him? We’ve only been married for a month and yet I can’t begin to imagine how I lived my life the day before we said , “I Do.” How did I make it through those few courtship months of having to say good-bye to him when he turned to go to his home and left me to mine? The first night of the new schedule was difficult, I will admit. I am afraid of the dark, and I find that being alone gives me a horrendous case of The Willies- our heating system makes the most demonic sounding clicks and squeaks in the bowels of this old house. I’m sure that in time I will grow up, buck up and be a big girl about the whole thing. Last night wasn’t so bad, every time I roused up I thought of him out there on the lonely roads and felt so near him as I lay there with his pillow, smelling his loving, ‘babe-we-got-this’ scent, as if we were the only two people awake on earth, looking at the same moon, comforted by knowing that in a few hours I’d feel him crawl in next to me- truly the happiest moment of the day. My pillow would not have produced such a feeling, this mix of longing and satisfaction, feeling so close to someone and yet painfully too far away.

So many things I didn’t know, so many things I didn’t understand before I met this man. I didn’t really get ‘happiness’ before I was drenched in the joy his smile brings to my heart. I didn’t really understand ’empty’ until I looked at the other half of the bed before going to sleep without him. Human comfort was just an idea I had before I began this new life with Comfort by my side. How is it that love makes the basic things of life so distinct and vibrant, as if my world before Alex was drawn in the dulled colors of that hour just before dawn and now everything appears in the Light of Day- bright, alive, blinding.

The wind sweeps along big flakes of snow in the freezing world outside my window, and my husband sleeps behind the closed door down the hall. I am warm and at peace in this moment- right now- I understand contentment.

It’s amazing, isn’t it?  Husband Life is much nicer than Just Me Life.



"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook." Julia Child

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